It was April of 2008 and I was sitting in the doctor’s office.  It all felt like it was happening in slow motion.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing… but he was wearing a white coat… which felt like something.

He spoke the words… “There’s no known cause and there’s no known cure.  We should talk about how you’re going to manage the quality of your life with this disease.”

It had been a rough several months leading up to that appointment.  I was not in a good place and I had A LOT of stress in my life.

I was working as the Vice President of Sales for a hospitality furniture manufacturer (stress) and I was in a relationship that just didn’t fit (more stress)… he was a wonderful guy, and a damn good musician, but we couldn’t communicate, and that was stressful, too.

So, I had this unfulfilling job and an unfulfilling relationship and was working out twice a day and starving myself, all in an effort to be… happy… or in an effort to be what I thought the world wanted me to be… which for me, at that time, meant: SKINNY.

It was around this time I started experiencing symptoms. For the first time in my life, I began having intense bouts of anxiety and depression, combined with panic attacks. I was dizzy and lightheaded almost all of the time, and I was blacking out when I stood up.

My skin was pale, dotted with red splotchy rashes, and I was 20 pounds lighter than I had ever been.  I was SKINNY. But I wasn’t happy. I looked sick and I felt even worse.  By far the worst symptom was the internal bleeding.  I went to the bathroom one day and there was blood.  That was the day that I booked the appointment.  I saw doctors upon doctors who referred me to this specialist.

He looked across the desk and said, “you’re going to be sick with this for the rest of your life, so you’re going to have to manage with these prescriptions.” No healing. No options. Only bandaids.

I was in disbelief.  I was a healthy person.  How did this happen?  Why was it happening?  Could he be right that I was really going to be sick for the REST of my life?

Something in me shifted in that moment.

A voice in the core of my being spoke very loudly, and very clearly.  NO.

No.  This is not my story.  This will not be my life.

But I had no idea where to turn.  So I started taking the medications while also doing my research.  Some of the symptoms went away, but most of them didn’t.

I searched and searched and finally found my way to a Naturopath who helped me change my life.  I started to implement healing practices and healing foods.  I started to become extremely discerning about which things in my life served me and which things didn’t.

And step by step, as I practiced honoring my truth, with this healing protocol, my body, my mind and my heart began to heal.

I healed MYSELF and MY LIFE from a disease that I was told I would have for the rest of my life.

What I discovered was that the dis-ease in my body was a reflection of the dis-ease in my life.

Deeply embedded in my belief system was an understanding that I had to be perfect in order to be ok.  There was a lot of chaos and stress during my childhood, which helped create the belief that in order to be safe and loved, I had to be exactly what the world wanted me to be AND I had to be that person perfectly.

This led to a lifestyle of pretense: painting this “perfect” picture of what I thought  a “perfect” life was supposed to look like from the outside.  And THAT is the ultimate STRESS.  Living a life that was not designed by me was the construct that made me sick.

Why should this story – my story – matter to you?

Because, no matter the cause of your unhealthy relationship with food, you have to uncover the root cause of it in order to heal. Your dis-ease may be very different than mine. Your stress, your history, your trauma, your understanding of what food means and is, and how you use it to damage or nourish your own body… all of that is unique and DEEP. It is deeply rooted in your life and your history and I’ve got news for you: it can’t be undone or covered up or healed or helped by a 30-day diet bandaid.

I’ve also got good news for you: you can heal. Just like I was able to heal myself, you – and you alone – can heal yourself. You have the power inside of yourself right now.

You’re just lacking the tools.

Imagine staring at a sapling in a pot, something you just picked up from a greenhouse. You know it has the potential to become a tree, but right now, it just looks like a potted plant. But you know that if you get that thing out of the pot and into the ground, and take care of it, that, over time, it will grow into a full-grown tree.

And, no, this isn’t a metaphor about growth.

It’s a metaphor about tools. Without a way to get that sapling into the ground, it’s only going to grow until it reaches the size of the pot it’s sitting in.

No matter how much it wants to grow into a full tree, it’s limited by the size of its container. And without a shovel or way to get it into the ground, it’s never going to realize its potential. In fact, it will outgrow its pot and then… it will die.

Dramatic right?

But imagine how it will feel to NEVER heal your relationship with food.

That is what it feels like to sit in that pot without the tools to get out.

Trapped, damaged, slowly dying.

I know exactly what that feels like. And I want more for you.  I know you can get out. I know you can heal your relationship with food. And I have the tools.

If you would like to partner with me on this journey to Authentic Nourishment™ where I equip you with ALL THE TOOLS you need, consider reaching out to me. I would love to talk to you and see if we’re a right fit.